Recovering Family Sanity

Mother raising a troubled child “She hated being grounded and was really horrible to me. But once she thanked me because she said she felt safe, and told me 'I was glad because I knew I couldn’t do anything bad or get in trouble.'” Faith G.

"We have read several of the excerpts from the easily understood book and they are right on target, touching, and encouraging." Ralph and Margaret M.

Make Simple House Rules

Despite your child's irrationality or difficult behavior, you can expect them to stay within very simple rules. The types of rules you make are:

Few. Make no more than 2 or 3 rules that are aimed at reducing family stress and increasing family order and harmony. Rules should be very easy to remember and follow. All other family members should have similar rules.
Simple. Think kindergarten, no matter the age of your child. Make simple rules for ordinary things: chores, the use of respectful language, how problems will be resolved, and how togetherness will be maintained. Write the rules down and post them — use specific, concrete phrases like “Put your clothes in the closet at the end of each day” instead of unclear phrases like “Pick your clothes up.” Have a clear rule for handling disputes. Instead of “No yelling” use “Both parties take a time out for 15 minutes if one starts to yell.”
Fair. Each family member follows the same rules, all the time, even parents!
Strictly enforced. This may be hard at first, but it gets easier if rules are simple and fair. There will be backlash, but you CAN run a tight ship at home. You may be surprised at how well things go and how relieved the rest of your family will feel.

Note: in case of a crisis or stressful period, be flexible when enforcing rules. Note that some children need intense therapeutic treatment or medicine before they can consistently follow ANY rules.

Some ideas on how to state simple rules:

Have one meal together at the table, every day.
Only two hours of TV, video games, or computer use per day.
Take a 10 minute calming break in your room after arriving home from school.
Get 30 minutes of exercise in the backyard every day.
Clean the dinner dishes by 8 pm.