Category: gun control

Welcome to the 911 Club for Parents of Troubled Kids

Welcome to the 911 Club for Parents of Troubled Kids

You may already be a member of the 911 Club, a community of parents who depend on emergency services for managing their mentally ill child. Our T-shirts are black and blue like bruises. Only people raising a mentally ill child or young adult join. Club rules are simple:

1. Focus on safety first.
2. Continually manage the trauma you and your family experience.
3. Accept that no one is guilty or a failure.
4. Ask others for emotional and physical help.

Every day, an emergency is just around the corner.

Parents with troubled children, no matter the age or diagnosis, are forced to make difficult decisions and take extreme actions… like calling 911.  It’s not something they choose, and they’ll avoid it if possible.  They are like any other parent with a severely disabled or physically ill child—they will do anything to help their child, but instead of wheelchairs or chemotherapy, they need emergency responders.

Ten things that parents of troubled children often do:

  1. Call police
  2. Call an ambulance
  3. Call a crisis line repeatedly
  4. Search a child’s room, especially if the child is a teenager or may be suicidal
  5. Spy on their child: read their email, texts, social media or search histories, read their journals
  6. File criminal charges or get a restraining order
  7. Lock up common household items (matches, knives, scissors, fuel, chemicals, and anything conceivably dangerous in the wrong hands)
  8. Participate in endless meetings, appointments, and therapy sessions. Complete dozens of forms and continually pursue financial or community mental health resources
  9. Block out people who used to be friends, block their child from troubled friends
  10. Never share stories with ‘normal’ people to avoid bombardment with uninformed and unsolicited opinions.


Parents can see an emergency coming, but can do little to prevent it.

All parents of troubled children have barriers to getting help, even when it’s blatantly obvious that the child needs it.  Why?  The aftermath of a recent high school shooting in Florida by provides details:

  1. The tragedy has to happen first: “A neighbor warned the sheriff’s office …and begged them to intervene. She was told there was nothing deputies could do until Cruz actually did something.”
  2. Mental health professionals don’t take history into account; and they are ignorant that children can behave well in their presence: “An investigator … spoke to Cruz, and advised that he was “not currently a threat to himself or others” and did not need to be committed.
  3. Family and other eyewitnesses are ignored by the people and institutions they depend on. “Lynda Cruz’s cousin warned deputies Cruz had rifles and pleaded for them to “recover these weapons.”


Policymakers, mental health professionals, and emergency responders out there:  fix this!

Part of the reason parents or family of the mentally ill person can’t get timely help is because of civil rights laws.  To those in the mental health community, start talking about how to handle this.  The present situation is unacceptable!  Stop protecting an acknowledged dangerous person’s rights over those of innocent victims.  It’s not OK.  This is just like some gun advocates who think it’s more important to sell assault rifles to protect their personal rights over those of innocent victims.

True Story

An upsetting thing happened in my city about 10 years ago that could have been my story. A man took his grown son to the emergency room because the son had been insisting he was going to stab someone—he suffered from untreated schizophrenia. When there, the staff found no reason to hold the son despite his history of violence and his father’s testimony. The father pleaded with them to put his son in a 72-hour hold and they refused.

Within minutes, the son ran off into the surrounding neighborhood, and within an hour, had stolen a steak knife from a restaurant, and ran out and stabbed a man walking on the sidewalk. (The victim lived, fortunately.) The father told the reporter that he’d been trying every possible means to stop this from happening in the hours before the event. Getting the son to go with him to the ER was an extraordinary feat in and of itself. He was beside himself with frustration and sadness and anger.  Now his son had aggravated assault and attempted homicide charges, and faced prison instead of a hospital.

–Margaret

 

U.K. needs to be a “999 Club”; Germany needs a “112” Club; a “110 Club” in China…

School Shootings, Guns, and Child Mental Illness

School Shootings, Guns, and Child Mental Illness

Up until recently, news of devastating school shootings swerved to public fights about gun control.  I had hoped past shootings would stimulate discussion of mental health treatment (see Guns and Mental Illness: the Debate from a Parent’s Perspective,” written 5 years ago in 2013). After this recent shooting in Florida, it now is.  But be careful what you wish for.  Mental illness is on the radar, but the subject swerved off into mental illness as a significant lethal threat to the public.  (I think this is compounded by a morbid fascination with psychopaths. The lurid TV series “Criminal Minds” plays to this–the entire plot line equates mental illness with psychopathy, torture, and murder.)  Damn it.

Look at the raw numbers below.  Shouldn’t the other deaths caused by children’s mental illness be on the table too?

Deaths by school shootings in elementary, middle, and high schools in the U.S.:

2000-2018 – Deaths by school shootings:  110 children*

2000-2018 – Foiled attempts at school shootings:  19 schools*

Child deaths by suicide in the U.S.:

2014-2015 – Between the ages 10-24:  17,304**

2013 – Suicide by firearm between the ages 10-19:  876***

*(Wikipedia, based on contemporaneous news reports)
**National Institute for Mental Health (latest available numerical data)
***Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (latest available numerical data)

Effective advocacy for preventing suicide (via mental health treatment) requires effective ‘marketing.’

Parkland, Florida, image from metro.co.uk

I wonder about the marketing aspect–the campaign that tells a gripping story that motivates others to act.  Let’s compare:  School shootings are public tragedies, with images of ambulances filmed from helicopters, and wrenching quotes from the anguished.  But suicides happen alone; they are private self-inflicted tragedies.  No helicopters, no candlelight vigils.  People keep their distance.  Money doesn’t pour in to support the victim’s family or increase the availability and use of treatment.  And then there is this awful irony:  if vulnerable children hear the news of a peer’s suicide, it risks suicide contagion.

Maybe the activism of the student survivors in Florida are symbolically opening a door.

Dublin, Ireland, in 2014, irishtimes.com

Maybe there’s a way if victim’s families and friends are willing to tell their anguished stories, too.  I don’t know how it feels to be you–my child made suicide attempts but didn’t succeed (insert deep sigh of gratitude here).  How do you feel about telling your stories to cameras in a large group?  Could you carry signs with photos of your precious lost ones?  or bombard the Twitter-verse to get to the hearts of the public?

Be prepared for the next round of horror, and be prepared to go public.

Our mental health professionals have been warning the public and lawmakers about the magnitude of child suicide for years–the psychiatrists and psychologists and all the other caregivers.  But they use facts, which don’t count in the public eye, whereas personal stories do.

Your comments are encouraged.

–Margaret

Guns and Mental Illness: the Debate from a Parent’s Perspective

Guns and Mental Illness: the Debate from a Parent’s Perspective

Shortly after the tragic massacre of children in Connecticut, I wrote the following Letter to the Editor to the Oregonian, Portland’s main newspaper:

“Tragic shootings always raise the question, “Why?”, and the response often jumps to guns. Yet guns are tangential to the problem. Those of us with a mentally ill person in our families can answer “why.” We’ve witnessed the behaviors leading to a mental health crisis. There are always signs, but many don’t interpret or take them seriously until it’s too late.

“If you have a loved one at risk of harming themselves or others, but aren’t sure if it’s serious or real, trust your gut. Look for behavior changes that are abrupt or steadily worsen over time. Listen for statements that seem out of character Pay attention to significant overreactions to events or ideas. Never be afraid to ask directly, “Are you OK?” Don’t hesitate to seek help from mental health advocacy or support groups. Whatever the cause, mental illness is treatable; there is hope, and people who can help.”

A couple of weeks later, a reporter from the Oregonian contacted me to help with a story on mental illness in children.  She said she wanted this important longstanding issue brought back into the national discussion.

Perhaps we have finally reached a turning point?

 

Sandra Spencer, Executive Director for the National Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health, met at the White House with Vice President Biden’s task force on gun control to ensure that the issue goes beyond just gun control.  The following is an excerpt:

“We must deal with the real issue that children do have mental health challenges and parents don’t have support or access to services without fear of losing their children to public scrutiny, bullying, discrimination and even institutionalization. …These children, youth, and families need to know where to go, which treatment is best, and how to access community support.

“The isolation parents feel because of their children’s behavior, due to mental illness, keeps them from reaching out or even knowing who to trust for help.  There should be national outrage at the number of young people who die each year by suicide and drug abuse, or the number of children with a mental health diagnosis that go untreated, and the lengths parents go to just trying to keep their children safe and out of trouble.  This has to change in our nation before we can adequately address the need for an improved children’s mental health care system”

The issue of gun control is important to work through, but not at the expense of mental health and the millions who continue to struggle—the families and their loved ones.  Not again.

 

Your comments are strongly encouraged.  What do other parents think?

–Margaret