Category: stress

The best vitamins for your child’s brain

The best vitamins for your child’s brain

avocadoThe vitamins listed here are absolutely essential for your child’s brain, and it’s highly likely your child doesn’t have enough.  People with psychiatric disorders commonly have physical problems that are symptoms of vitamin deficiency.  Take digestive problems, for example–low levels of B vitamins cause digestive disorders, especially B12.

“One of the most common deficiencies seen in patients with mental disorders is B vitamins”*

B1 – Thiamine helps neurons to send electrical signals.  A proper level in the blood stream wards off depression. B1 is found in beans, asparagus, beef, oranges, sunflower seeds, oats, and green peas.

canteloupeB2 Riboflavin is also needed for neurons to send electrical signals.  B2 is found in sunflower seeds, fish, poultry, bananas, leafy greens, and sweet potatoes.

B6 prevents memory loss, improves memory, and helps reduce depression, and increase hemoglobin in the blood which supplies oxygen to the body and brain.  B6 is found in sunflower seeds, fish, poultry, bananas, leafy greens, sweet potato

B9 – Folic acid helps in formation of nerve tissue, or the neurons in the brain.  B9 is found in spinach, asparagus, beans, avocado, lentils, and broccoli.

kiwisB12 is needed for the myelin sheath that covers and protects neurons, and signs of deficiency are bowel and stomach problems. Probiotics for gut health are helpful, but so is sufficient B12.  It is found in seafood, eggs, cheese, leafy greens, milk, and red meat.

All vitamins are best obtained through food, not pills.

Vitamin CAscorbic acid regulates the production of neurotransmitters like dopamine, and protects the brain against oxidative stress, which is when there are too many “free radicals” (one kind of chemical), and too few “antioxidants” (another kind of chemical).  Vitamin C is found in citrus, tomato, kiwi, strawberry, mango, pineapple, cantaloupe, and green vegetables.

strawberry

Calcium is an actual nerve cell messenger.  It controls how signals pass between neurons.  Calcium is found in dairy (milk, hard cheese, and yogurt), sardines and salmon, beans and lentils, almonds, collard greens, tofu, and figs.

Magnesium is essential for many chemicals in the brain and body. It promotes the metabolism of B vitamins as well as signal transmission between neurons.  Magnesium calms people.  It is found in nuts, pumpkin seeds, black beans, avocado, brown rice, and leafy green vegetables.

Zinc helps regulate the electrical signals between neurons.  It is found in pumpkin seeds, beef, shrimp, nuts, chocolate, wheat germ, and oysters.

chardVitamin D is essential because it directs the production of neurotransmitters, nerve growth, and nerve connections.  Lack of Vitamin D is a common problem in people with psychiatric disorders.  (Did you know that ~75% of individuals who are hospitalized for mental illness have severe Vitamin D deficiency?) The best forms are from egg yolks, milk with vitamin D, and sunlight.  Supplements have some benefit, too.

See the list of brain foods in this article, The Brain Diet for Troubled Kids.

“Essential Vitamins and Minerals for Brain Function”


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The Silent Suffering of Parent Abuse When Children Abuse Parents

The Silent Suffering of Parent Abuse When Children Abuse Parents

Parent abuse is real and serious.

This [edited] article is by Alicia Bradley, LCPC, who lives in the United Kingdom.  It is excellent and covers a serious and hidden subject that’s rarely addressed.  “How many people have heard of parent abuse? especially at the hands of teenage children with serious social and violence issues? Google it. You won’t find much, except on a few support sites.  Parent abuse is a form of domestic violence that results in physical harm, damage to property, job loss, PTSD, and family breakdown.”


What Is Parent Abuse?

We have all heard of child abuse and how children are damaged by this terrible behavior, and you only have to Google “child abuse” to find page after page of information, support groups, and advice on this subject, but, how many people have heard of parent abuse? especially at the hands of teenage children with serious social interaction and violence issues? Google it. You won’t find much, except on a few support sites.

screaming teenager

Parent abuse occurs when the child commits an act or acts against the parent through manipulation, control, and intimidation in order to exert control and have power over the parent. Parent abuse can take different forms, from physical, emotional, verbal, to financial abuse.  According to Barbara Cottrell in the book When Teens Abuse Their Parents, parent abuse can be defined as “any harmful act of a teenage child intended to gain power and control over a parent.” (It should be noted that children of any age (pre-teen or adult) can commit parent abuse, not just teenagers.)

For parents and families who share their home with abusive young people, there is virtually no support or protection. In both the UK and the US, the law is on the side of the child, not the parent.  Parents seeking help will instead get inappropriate advice or blame.  The parent is always under suspicion so they keep it secret.  “Domestic violence feeds on silence.”

Signs of Parent Abuse by a Teenager

crying motherParent abuse is a form of domestic violence that results in physical harm, damage to property, job loss, PTSD, and family breakdown. It is usually perpetrated by a child in their teens who displays the following behaviors towards parent(s) and members of their family.  Signs include:

  • Threats of and/or physical violence including hitting, punching, kicking, pushing, slapping, biting, hair pulling with or without weapons or objects.
  • Screaming, swearing, and name calling
  • Intimidation
  • A constant refusal to do what has been asked (going to bed, coming home, asking friends to leave, cleaning up after themselves, not attending school/college/work), or contribute to the household, or participate in normal family activities.
  • Bullying by text or phone
  • Stealing money or property or misuse of parents credit cards/phones/computers
  • Deliberate damaging of property
  • Threats of or actual violence to pets or other children of the household as a way of intimidation
  • Emotional blackmail, such as threatening to accuse the parents of abusing them, or actually doing so
  • Drug/alcohol abuse in the home
  • Belittling parents in front of friends/other family members/public.
  • Willful drug abuse in front of family/friends
  • Other illegal activity

This abuse often occurs at school too, where students abuse their teachers and other students.  It occurs in other relationships too, when a teen abuses or bullies another adult or acquaintance.

beaten mother

Those suffering from parent abuse have experienced physical harm resulting in medical or mental health treatment or even  death; there’s damage to property, theft, or bullying other family members.  Quite often, the child who is abusing the parent does it willfully and for enjoyment.  The ability for empathy and compassion may be not well-developed they impacted by  mental disorders or psychological disturbances.

The law is almost always on the child’s side, but there is little to protect parents from children who abuse their parents. In the UK and US, you as a parent are legally responsible for that child.  There aren’t social services or legal protections for parents unless the child has a long history of repeated offenses of violence involving the police that has been reported and documented.  Schools often expel teenagers with behavioral issues, but for the parent… now what?  Expulsion protects the public but the parent is still very much at risk.

teen bullyParent abuse is not restricted to certain social groups; it can affect single and two-parent families equally. It is usually the mother or the primary caregiver who is targeted, but other children in the family and fathers suffer too.

What Causes Teens to Abuse Their Parents?

It is difficult for parents to recognize they are being abused, or admit they are being abused.  Most blame themselves and are therefore reluctant to seek help.  Yet many people (most?) consider parent abuse to be the result of bad parenting, neglect, or the child suffering abuse themselves. However, many teen abusers have had a normal upbringing and have not suffered from these issues.  Other factors contribute to children abusing their parents, such as undiagnosed mental illness.  Additionally, if the child sees domestic abuse happen in the household, they will be more likely to continue such behaviors.  Parent victims of domestic violence are often re-victimized by their own children.

Psychological Effects of Parent Abuse

girl hittingParents who are exposed to abuse from their child are affected in many ways, with many psychological issues as a result of the abuse. They can lose their ability to control the household and protect everyone else—all family members are victimized just like in any situation with domestic violence between adults.  They develop PTSD, depression, and suffer from lack of sleep and constant fear anxiety.

Giving into the child’s demands and abusive tactics can,
paradoxically, be easier to handle than the severe backlash
they’ll face by standing up for themselves.

10 Steps for Dealing With an Abusive Child

Do not allow yourself to suffer in silence; confront this problem for everyone’s sake, including your abusive teen.  You have little choice but to take back control!  Do not give your power away any more; you really can put a stop to abuse.

  1. If you are suffering from parent abuse, you must recognize that you are not at fault and do not deserve this, as with any form of abuse. Speak to a friend, or contact a domestic violence support group. Seek professional help.
  2. Calmly confront the child about their behavior and tell them you will not tolerate it anymore. Explain that what they are doing is abuse (and brace yourself ahead of time because their backlash could be fierce). You will have to communicate this many times so that they will eventually hear you.  It doesn’t mean they’ll have any intention of stopping, but it prepares them to expect what you’re about to do next.
  3. Remove all privileges, rights to cell phones, computers, video games, money, etc. and refuse to be a taxi service. Set boundaries and punishments and enforce them.  Be careful, if the child makes homicidal threats don’t hesitate to call the police and get them to an emergency room for a psychiatric evaluation!  Remember the definition of a mental health emergency: the person is “a danger to themselves or others.”
  4. If your teen runs, report them to the police immediately, and report anyone who is harboring your runaway. (Anyone who protects runaways from parents is guilty of the crime of custodial interference.)  Sometimes police intervention is enough of a wake-up call for your teenager and reduces the severity of abuse or leads to stopping it.
  5. abusive son in courtIf you feel that you can still communicate with your child, seek mediation with a counselor or other professional, and explain that you will not tolerate this behavior in the session. You want someone else to hear this.  Lay down some ground rules.  Take a hard stance and tell your child that if you are hit again, you will call the police and have them arrested. Don’t call their bluff, do it. They need to see that you mean business. If your child physically harms you, steals from you, or damages property, involve the police immediately and PRESS CHARGES!  Sometimes getting law enforcement and the juvenile justice system involved is the only way to get professional help for abusive teenagers.
  6. Try not to retaliate by hitting back unless in absolute self-defense, and disarm them if they come at you with a weapon. Abusive teens have called the police themselves, or other sympathetic adults, to report you have hit or abused them, and the law will come down on their side first. You can be prosecuted for hitting your child, and your child can be removed from your care as can any other children in your household. Don’t be reluctant and call the police immediately (!), get it on record.
  7. Get help and support from other parents who understand and will support you without judgment.
    a—In the UK contact Parentline Plus, an organization dedicated to helping parents. They can be reached at 0808 800 2222. Visit their website and look on the message boards for help and support groups in your area. They often run groups which offer practical support and tips for parenting difficult teens.
    b—In the US you can call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).  Also look for a StandUp Parenting support group in your area.  Their website is standupparenting.org/.
  8. Approach your child’s school and have your child referred to children’s mental health services, or refer them yourself, informing them that you are suffering parent abuse.
  9. Keep a journal of events, with dates, times, etc., or a video diary, and film your child when they are abusing you (you can use your mobile phone or digital camera). Often, when faced with media of their own behavior, it can shock them into accepting help from professionals.  (I’ve personally seen videos work very, very well –Margaret)
  10. You cannot do this alone!  Involve others who will help you.  Seek help from extended family and friends to see if they can offer to give you respite by taking the child from you for a few days.  Get therapy for yourself and your family.  You are all paralyzed by suffering–it’s serious and can affect all of you for years.

If you’re a victim of abuse by your child, take Ms. Bradley’s advice and take action.  –Margaret

Resolving Parent Abuse

furious boyHopefully, you found some strategies in this article to help you deal with abuse from your children. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and there are solutions that can stop the violence from continuing. Stay strong and be vigilant and plan ahead for self-protection. If you love your child, love yourself. They need you to be OK.

Be strong.  Be courageous.  You can do this.

Note from blog owner:  I made edits for length or clarification, and added additional information.  This is a link to the original published article by Alicia Bradley LCPC.
—Margaret


Do you have a story of abuse?  Do you have questions or need support from others?  Add your comments.  Other parents out there know what it’s like, and they care.

Your child’s ADHD diagnosis could be wrong, leaving other issues untreated

Your child’s ADHD diagnosis could be wrong, leaving other issues untreated

Inattention and distractibility are caused by many medical conditions and life situations.  You child may not have ADHD or ADD if they didn’t show signs when they were young.

Children don’t just catch ADHD or ADD

If your child has a behavioral change you haven’t seen before, there may be an underlying medical or co-occurring mental disorder that’s causing ADHD symptoms… especially if they’re on ADHD-ADD medications which are not working well.

“It is vital not to mistake another medical or psychiatric condition as ADHD.”
Richa Bhatia, MD, Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association

The medical conditions listed below produce ADHD and/or ADD symptoms such as slow processing speed, impulsive behavior, and limited attention and focus.

  • Epileptic seizures: some types cause a brief freeze in thinking–the child’s brain goes blank for a few moments (“absence seizures”)
  • Diseases of the brain: Lyme disease, HIV infection, parasitic and viral infections, brain tumors
  • Brain damage from head injury or toxins (e.g. narcotics)
  • Chemotherapy side-effects, “stupor”
  • Hypothyroidism.  Too little thyroid hormone results in memory, attention, and concentration problems. It decreases blood flow in brain regions that mediate attention and executive functioning (the hippocampus and cerebral cortexes).
  • Hyperthyroidism. At the other extreme, too much thyroid hormone causes anxiety and tension, irritability and impatience, and hyperactivity and distraction.
  • Sleep apnea. A condition where a child stops breathing during sleep, for a few seconds to a few minutes several times per night.  The following day, the child can’t pay attention, remember, or follow a sequence of steps.  It also causes hyperactivity and belligerence.


Mental health disorders with ADHD-like symptoms:

Anxiety disorders are common to most other mental health conditions, and create problems with concentration.  The chronic stress from anxiety affects the brain regions responsible for memory and cognitive functions.   If a child does not have a history of ADHD symptoms, than significant and pervasive anxiety may be the cause of inattention and distraction.

Abuse or trauma. Difficulty concentrating is one of the core symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and recent abuse or trauma can cause agitation, restlessness, and behavioral disturbance—symptoms that mimic ADHD.

Depression – Difficulty concentrating also is a criterion for major depressive disorder.

Bipolar disorder – ADHD symptoms are apparent in children with suspected bipolar disorder. Both disorders can cause distractibility, increased energy, and instant mood swings. (Some children are eventually diagnosed with both disorders.)

Drug abuse using marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy, produce similar symptoms of ADHD because they affect the same brain regions affected by anxiety.  MRI scans of the brain were taken of young children who were exposed to cocaine in the womb. The scans revealed frontal lobe malformations which predicted long-term problems with attention and impulse control.

Common stimulant foods and beverages with excess caffeine or sugar

Insomnia from medical conditions. Sleep plays a huge role in memory and attention. Sleep disorders (e.g., sleep apnea, restless legs syndrome) can produce chronic tiredness and significantly reduce attention, concentration, and cognitive functioning in children, adolescents, and adults.

Plain old lack of sleep in healthy children can cause inattention and reduce academic achievement.  There are many causes of sleep loss:  early school hours; screen time at least an hour before bed (because the blue light suppresses sleepiness); or allowing the use of technology in the bedroom at nighttime.  What helps getting to sleep and staying asleep:

  • A cool, dark room
  • Thirty minutes of reading or drawing on paper before lights out.
  • Removing phones, laptops, or desktops from the bedroom at night.


Learning disorders:
Children with an undiagnosed learning disorder often present with ADHD symptoms. An undiagnosed reading or mathematics disorder (dyslexia), or an autism spectrum disorder that’s not yet diagnosed, can have a significant impact on classroom behavior.  The child might not be paying attention because of his (her) restricted ability to grasp the subject matter, or because they are frustrated and irritated with the struggle to keep up.

Caution:  Teachers often report a student’s inattention and confused thinking to parents, and suggest a diagnosis of ADHD when the real problem may be lack of sleep or something else.  It’s useful to hear classroom observations of your child, but teachers are not trained in mental health diagnosis—get a second opinion from a professional!

More on the consequences of untreated ADHD or another underlying disorder is in this article:  “ADHD kids become troubled adults.”

–Margaret


Subject matter was drawn from this article by psychiatrist Dr. Richa Bhatia.

“Rule out these causes of inattention before diagnosing ADHD”
Richa Bhatia, MD, FAPA, Current Psychiatry. 2016 October; 15(10):32-C3

How to pick the ideal therapy pet for your child or teen

How to pick the ideal therapy pet for your child or teen

“A pet is an island of sanity in what appears to be an insane world. Whether a dog, cat, bird, fish, turtle, or what have you, one can rely upon the fact that one’s pet will always remain a faithful, intimate, non-competitive friend, regardless of the good or ill fortune life brings us.”
–Boris Levinson, PsyD, Child Psychologist

Any animal can be a therapy pet, but put thought into finding the ideal pet

therapy catIt depends on your child’s individual needs and his or her innate appreciation of or connection with the creature.  Parents often think of furry animals like dogs or cats or “pocket pets” as the best therapy animals.  Dogs and cats are the most common, but they are not the only effective options.  (And some are problematic:  perhaps a family dog or cat is of no interest to your child, or is stressful because its behavior–easily agitated cats and chronically fussy dogs aren’t therapeutic!

What fascinates your child? What do they want–what creature(s) are they drawn to?  And are you willing to take care of this pet?  Your child’s therapy pet is not a lesson in responsibility… though that may be an outcome someday.  The pet is a therapist first, not a teaching tool.  Since you may be the responsible one, the pet must work for your needs and household too.

The right creature will reduce your child’s stress and continually delight them in some way.

Dogs and cats

Under the best circumstances, the right dog or cat will choose your child, calming them down or drawing them out of their shell. Dogs and cats are ideal for symptoms of anxiety, autism spectrum disorders, or depression. The right dog or cat is calm, loyal, and patient, and helps an insecure child or one who can’t handle emotional demands. Dogs also support physical exercise, and provide opportunities for significant life lessons.

True story – Some juvenile prison systems have dog programs, where the inmate is assigned a troubled shelter dog to train and teach appropriate dog behavior. Young inmates often empathize with a dog’s abuse history, and training the dog helps them learn patience, forbearance, and anger management.  The trained dogs are them adopted out to the community.  A program I personally know about has had very positive outcomes.

Pocket pets

Pocket pets help children who like touch, and bring out a child’s nurturing side. Small animals can also be playful and amusing–ferrets have especially silly antics.  It’s important the pet likes to be held, but it’s also important to prevent it from escaping and hiding. Their small size and habitat needs are better for small living spaces, and they can go anywhere with the child in a small carrier.  A concern may be their shorter lifespans. Is your child able to handle loss and learn from it?

Birds

Birds are smart ‘pocket pets’ and very loyal to the person they bond with.  A bird that’s purchased young or been hand-fed as a chick is tame and will readily perch on a child’s shoulder or finger… or happily hide out in a pocket.  Most birds can be taught words, whistles, or even songs in human language.  They are pretty, charming, highly interactive, and long-lived.  Birds are good for depressed children who need energy and stimulation, and children with ADHD who need attention and interaction.  Like a pocket pet, a bird can also travel with a child in a small carrier.

Reptiles

Reptiles aren’t often considered as therapy pets, but reptile lovers will tell you that they are indeed therapeutic and have inidividual personalities. Most are quite beautiful. Many like to be held and carried.

“She fell asleep in my shirt and nobody saw her. I noticed I was able to communicate with other people without problems. When I started to feel anxiety I put my hand over her and it calmed me downI was able to go in [a store], do what I needed to do and get out without a panic attack.”
–Teen with social anxiety disorder speaking about her Bearded Dragon.

Ask if a pet store will allow your child to hold one of their reptiles for sale.  Common pet store lizards that are good for children are:  leopard geckos, bearded dragons, and iguanas (which need lots of handling at first).  Like other small animals, reptiles can escape. Turtles are usually easy to find, but not lizards or snakes.  There are lizard leashes on the market for this reason.  Most snakes available on the market like to be held, or will accept it if handled often.

Fish

Beautiful calming aquariums are excellent sources of visual delight and serenity. There is a reason aquariums are placed in waiting rooms and in psychiatric hospital settings.  They provide gentle entrancing movement in a miniature natural world—they are healing like Nature is healing.  An aquarium is good for children with intense anxiety they can’t express, often with schizophrenic or autistic symptoms.  The soft bubbling sound can be calming because it is steady and hides noises that may overstimulate a child who’s grappling with a stream of upsetting thoughts.  Read more about “calming rooms” and how visual and audio environments help children with tantrums, “Calming room ideas to prevent tantrums in autism and other disorders.”

Insects (yes, insects)

I have two stories about therapy with insects

True story – A depressed 9-year-old boy was regularly teased at school, then came home to a single mother who was always too distracted by dating concerns to spend time with him. His father found a second wife and started a new family and showed little interest in him.  The boy was smart and very interested in science.  He befriended a neighbor who kept hissing cockroaches to feed her lizards, and he would visit often and ask to hold a roach and pet it to make it hiss.  The neighbor allowed the boy to borrow one to take to school for show-and-tell, which he brought along in a plastic container.  The students were both fearful and intensely curious about this giant roach.  Except for the squeamish, everyone wanted to pet it to make it hiss.  He became the coolest kid in class.  His teacher was impressed because he told the story about hissing cockroaches, where they were from, and how they were part of a forest ecosystem.  He stopped being teased, and his teacher gave him more attention with science studies… all thanks to a lowly roach.

True story – An 11–year-old boy with ADHD found a praying mantis in his backyard and picked it up. He knew from school it wouldn’t bite, and that it caught and ate other insects.  He wandered around nearby homes looking for bugs to feed it.  When he caught something, he enjoyed watching the mantis snatch the bug from his finger and eat it with gross crunching sounds and goo…. awesome for a kid like him. He was allowed to keep the mantis in an empty aquarium. As Nature has it, it died in the Fall. His parents, however, purchased mantis eggs from a nursery to populate the yard the next summer. When they hatched, the boy spent hours amusing himself by finding and feeding the baby mantis population,and watching them grow to adulthood.  It reduced the hours he’d spend indoors on video games,and connected him with nature outdoors.

 

–Margaret

The Brain Diet for Troubled Kids

The Brain Diet for Troubled Kids

All people with brain disorders need a whole body/whole life approach to treatment–no one medical practice is sufficient. Neither mainstream psychiatry or naturopathy have all the answers for mental health, but both provide important treatments:  diet, medication, therapy, exercise, gut health, and sleep, etc. This article is about brain diet specifically–foods which support or improve brain health.

These are some general rules for this food:

  • Uncooked vegetables are ideal if appropriate. Cooking removes some of the essential nutrients.
  • In the case of fish, raw may not be appropriate except for sushi or pickled herring.  For fish that’s canned, choose fish packed in oil, not water.  Omega-3’s are dissolved in the oil, but removed in the process of packing in water.
  • Variety is important.  Concentrating on a few foods exclusively is not helpful because you and your child still need additional nutrients that are important for your overall health.
  • Food is better than supplements because food nutrients are properly absorbed in the body in the right ‘dosages.’

Be aware of food fads.  There are no miracle foods.

Over the decades, people have been bombarded by different dietary research, and demanded foods that were reported to have benefits at the time.  Food producers then labeled and provided whatever the public wants.

  • A good example of a fad years ago was fat-free and oil-free foods.  As it turns out, additional studies proved this was actually harmful–people need fats in their diet, but just a selection of fats.
  • For decades, coffee and chocolate were once considered harmful, but this has since been proven wrong for most people.
  • Diet sodas were supposed to be better than sugary sodas, but as medical research and understanding advanced, this was disproven.  Sugar-free sodas are actually more harmful.
  • There’s been an antioxidant craze. Yes, antioxidants are important, but these nutrients alone are insufficient for brain health.
  • The “paleo diet” was big for a while.  It was the great idea of someone who was not a paleontologist.  Paleontologists themselves aren’t comfortable with the theory because they are still finding evidence of what early humans actually ate.
  • “Gluten-free” foods are considered the only safe options.  Gluten is very bad for a small segment of the population, but not most people. What’s funny as that even water is labeled gluten-free.  This is from a dish detergent label:
Gluten free dish detergent?  Labels like this are for marketing, not health.

Vitamin D deficiency is serious for mental health:  In the case of psychiatric health, severe Vitamin D deficiency was discovered in ~75% of adults tested in a psychiatric hospital.  Other studies have shown that those with mental illness tend to have abnormally low levels of Vitamin D.

“Vitamin D’s effect on mental health extends beyond depression. Schizophrenia has also been linked with abnormal levels of vitamin D.”

“..vitamin D activates genes that regulate the immune system and release neurotransmitters (e.g., dopamine, serotonin) that effect brain function and development. Researchers have found vitamin D receptors on a handful of cells in regions in the same brain regions linked with depression.”

Take the time to learn how to prepare these foods in ways that your and your kids like!

–Margaret

 

Resources:

The Psychological Consequences of Vitamin D Deficiency

These Foods for Anxiety Are the Good Kind of Stress Eating

Should you get your nutrients from food or from supplements? – Supplements can plug dietary gaps, but nutrients from food are most important